Magic beans
IT IS the kind of futuristic horror story that might lurk within a Cormac McCarthy novel. A post-apocalyptic landscape ravaged by radiation and three-eyed fish. No coffee.
That last, at least, could be the fate of citizens of Switzerland, whose government has in preparation for disaster, on the coarse grounds that “coffee … is not essential for life”.
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Feedback is practically shaking with rage. And caffeine withdrawal. But mostly rage. Has nobody informed them that the only planet in the solar system that contains life is also the only one that has developed the cafetière? That can’t be a coincidence. Or, if it can, why point it out before we have had our morning latte?
Spring ahead
THE human tendency to take credit for the work of others is a fact of nature rather like the changing of the seasons. Still, the local council of St Petersburg, Russia, surely deserves an award for attempting to claim spring as a public service.
Local resident Natalya Vakhlova wrote to the council on 25 January to complain about icy pavements making it dangerous to reach her bus stop. The council responded on 3 April with a photo of the now ice-free bus stop, saying “problem solved”. Local news site Fontanka reports there were 30 .
This strategy might be fruitful for other hard problems, such as Facebook’s battle to curb racist trolls. Simply wait for the collapse of society or Earth’s destruction and post “mission accomplished”.
Fast fortune
IT IS a truth universally acknowledged that a man in possession of a good fortune must also have an “optimal” lifestyle that he flaunts to the unwary. So we were delighted to see receive so much attention in the global media.
“Footballer Danny Drinkwater has been charged with drink-driving after a car crash, the BBC reports. “Nominative determinism is dead,” declared Ted Hill on Twitter”
Dorsey eats only one meal per day, and sometimes doesn’t eat at all on Friday and Saturday. “The first time I did it, like day three, I felt like I was hallucinating,” he said. “It was a weird state to be in.” In Silicon Valley, such habits are called “biohacking”. Others may wish to come up with their own circumlocutions.
Robotic intruder
THE much-anticipated war between humans and machines hasn’t yet come to pass, but robots are starting to present challenges for law enforcement agencies.
Police in Washington County, Oregon, . There were shadows under the bathroom door and rustling was heard inside. The police announced themselves, but there was no response. With guns drawn, deputies opened the door and encountered a Roomba robotic vacuum cleaner.
Height of uncertainty
FROM Nepal comes an alarming admission: . The country dispatched surveyors earlier this month to scale the peak to establish whether the official height of 8848 metres is correct. That figure dates from a 1954 measurement by an Indian team, but it is disputed: a Chinese team claimed in 2005 that the mountain is 3 metres shorter. Moreover, there are fears that the magnitude-7.8 earthquake that struck the region in 2015 could have diminished Everest’s stature.
A satellite navigation system should enable the Nepalese survey team to measure its height to the nearest centimetre. Meanwhile, journalists are scrambling for an appropriate comparator for really tall things. We recommend existing alternatives: in height Everest is the length of 354 blue whales, 0.0023 per cent of the distance to the moon, or about one 16th of the square root of Wales.
Pyramid geezers
IN CHINA, authorities are investigating two companies accused of running a pyramid scheme involving actual pyramids. The ornaments, costing 5000 to 100,000 yuan ($740-14,900) depending on size, allegedly absorb the energy of the universe.
A reporter from Beijing News by buying pyramids up front. If you put your DNA in the pyramid, the host explained, it will give you energy wherever you go, thanks to quantum entanglement. The pyramids relieve pain and can even reduce vehicles’ fuel consumption by 30 per cent.
Recent figures show that China’s carbon emissions grew more slowly than expected in 2018. Coincidence? We think so.
Bald facts
WHAT would a bald man give for a full head of hair? Three economists from Appalachian State University, North Carolina, have treated us to a study of it, entitled . Feedback suspects this is an instance where the work’s potential title inspired the project rather than vice versa, but no matter. A man bereft of hair on top would pay an average of $30,000 to be re-endowed with a full mop, they found.
This isn’t the first effort to consider pate-hiding in financial terms: in Hebrew, a comb-over is known as a “savings and loan”. In Japan, they are referred to as “barcodes”.
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