Not the sharpest
A PARLIAMENTARIAN has come up with an incisive solution to the pressing issue of knife crime in the UK. Scott Mann, MP for North Cornwall, : “Every knife sold in the UK should have a GPS tracker fitted in the handle. It’s time we had a national database like we do with guns. If you’re carrying it around you had better have a bloody good explanation, obvious exemptions for fishing etc.”
Thousands of Twitter users immediately began skewering the idea. Would existing knives need to be retrofitted with tracking systems, they wanted to know, and if so, with what power source? “Sorry, I forgot to charge the knife” isn’t likely to cut it with the family sat waiting for dinner.
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Feedback can’t help wondering where it could all lead. To address the power problem, perhaps knives might be taped to vehicle satnav sets as a stopgap solution. Simply carve Sunday’s roast dinner in your car before dashing back inside, or better yet, host your dinner parties in its stylishly upholstered interior. Then on to the next dilemma: is a geo-linked knife dishwasher-safe?
“Florida newspaper The Villages Daily Sun informs Andrew Doble that ‘researchers in southern California have recaptured a female mountain, and treated it for mange’.”
Cornwall has an historically important fishing industry, which might explain why Mann says fishing ought to get a free pass. But Feedback worries that this exemption is just the kind of oversight that could lead to errant youths donning sou’westers and cable-knit jumpers, shrugging off the double edged “pilchard knives” in their tackle boxes.
Trackable knives would at least be a boon in university halls of residence, allowing students to know which washing-up dodger had accumulated the communal cutlery in their room. That makes us think that, if we are adding GPS trackers to the silverware, we really should start with teaspoons.
Rings a bell
EIGHT-POINTED snowflakes are a familiar design crime to Feedback readers. But what to make of Colgate’s use, in advertising material spotted by reader Izzy Hanson, of a pair of carbon rings to illustrate the science packed into every tube of toothpaste? Is it perhaps naphthalene? “The company ought to know better than to signify its scientific expertise with a diagram of a notoriously toxic polycyclic aromatic,” says Izzy.
High fliers
. The Asian News International news agency shared footage of the feathered bandits attacking the swollen poppy heads, and even flying off with them after chewing through the stem.
The plantations in Madhya Pradesh are licensed to grow poppies as a source of opiates for pharmaceutical use. But local parrots have taken a shine to the crop, and farmers are worried that the plant’s addictive qualities keep them coming back for more.
“We have tried making loud sounds and even use firecrackers to scare the birds. But nothing has helped,” opined one farmer.
Emissions control
IN THE US, a bill introduced to the Georgia state legislature would require men over 55 to report to the nearest authorities every time they ejaculate.
, requires men to obtain permission from their partner before prescriptions for erectile dysfunction medicine can be fulfilled, introduces a 24-hour waiting period for men wanting to buy pornography and makes sex without a condom punishable as aggravated assault.
Not expected to pass, the bill aims to highlight attempts to tighten abortion laws in the state. Dar’shun Kendrick, a politician in the Georgia House of Representatives, is one of the bill’s co-authors. She posted her “testicular bill of rights” on Twitter, declaring: “You want some regulation of bodies and choice? Done!”.
Fabrication of reality
MEANWHILE, Lorna Cox was shocked to read the following admission from our colleagues: “Despite making up most of the universe, we still haven’t detected dark matter” (9 March, p 37). “I didn’t realise 91av had made it all up,” says Lorna. Well, somebody has to.
Multi-verse
OUR call for scientifically sensible nursery rhymes has produced some sparkling entries – albeit perhaps also showing the ability of science to make the wondrous distinctly prosaic.
When Butch Dalrymple Smith was a child, he would chant:
Twinkle Twinkle little star,
I don’t wonder what you are.
You’re the cooling down of gases,
Turning into solid masses.
In much the same vein, Galen Ives shares a verse dedicated to the first artificial satellites:
Twinkle, twinkle little star
I don’t wonder what you are.
I surveyed your spot in space
Before you left the missile base,
And I shudder when I think
What you’re costing us per
twink!
Making a splash
BBC News, , points out: “It’s hard to visualise what three million tonnes looks like. But everyone can picture a blue whale. Now picture 15,000 of them. That’s roughly three million tonnes.”
Much clearer – and at last with the blue whale we have an appropriate unit for ocean pollution, says Bob Willis, who spotted this gem.
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