Attack of the clones
WHAT’S the collective term for 40-centimetre-long hammerhead flatworms? Feedback’s guess is that it’s a sort of raw adenoidal scream that opens a portal to the black abyss and brings down everlasting night.
Whatever it is, it’s probably prettier in French. That is just as well, because France has recently seen hordes of hammerhead flatworms, native to Asia, slither out of the depths of its collective unconscious to feast on earthworms, clone themselves en masse, and quote Proust at one another down Montmartre byways.
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English folklore reminds us that the situation is not without historical parallel, though. Back in the day, the Lambton Worm terrorised County Durham until a knight who was clad in spiked armour gave it a fatal tenderising.
The French, having dispatched their aristocracy, must find another solution. No strangers to culinary bravery – les escargots au beurre come to mind – perhaps French chefs could be persuaded to add a flatworm tatin to the pages of Larousse Gastronomique.
“An ad in Leeds, UK, promises buses “up to every ten minutes, or better”. Bryn Glover wonders: how are those two alternatives?”
Dawn of the dead
MORE monsters: the residents of Lake Worth, Florida, received an emergency alert on 20 May warning them of “extreme zombie activity”. Local news channel WPBF reported that a power failure around 2 am triggered the automated message, which was sent to thousands of mobile phones in the area.
The message informed the bucolic seafront community of a “power outage and zombie alert for residents of Lake Worth and Terminus”, citing a fictional settlement featured in horror series The Walking Dead. “Restoration time uncertain.”
In a statement, a city spokesperson said the message was the result of someone tampering with the alert system. “I want to reiterate that Lake Worth does not have any zombie activity currently and apologize for the system message.”
Monster hunter
IT’S like an episode of CSI: Miami, but with more midges and less sunshine. Forensic scientists are combing Loch Ness in Scotland for traces of DNA – which they note could reveal its most famous resident.
Stepping into David Caruso’s weathered loafers is Neil Gemmell at the University of Otago, New Zealand. His team is performing a year-long trawl of the loch, sampling the water for traces of genetic material. As animals go about their lives, they leave tiny fragments of skin, scales, and other sources of DNA in their surroundings. These can be used to identify the inhabitants of the loch, answering important questions about the spread of invasive species such as Pacific pink salmon.
Of course, without a reference plesiosaur to compare Nessie’s DNA with, confirming the existence of the mythical monster might prove tricky. But not to worry: “if an exact match can’t be found, we can generally figure out where on the tree of life that sequence fits,” says Gemmell.
The odds of Nessie making a guest appearance are slim, but the expertly baited hook did prove irresistible to that other elusive creature scientists like to seek out: friendly journalists.
A train of thought
THE eminently pragmatic Bernie Harper writes: “Has anyone ever asked an actual signal operator how they would solve the seemingly intractable ‘trolley problem’ in reality?” This ethical dilemma, involving a runaway tram, onrushing points, various people tied to the tracks, and a hapless signalman forced to play god, is a favourite of philosophy textbooks.
If the operator can see the carriage directly, notes Bernie, they could wait for the first axle to pass over the points before diverting the second axle onto the other line. This will derail the carriage, creating lots of warning noise and presumably triggering some sort of investigation. At low speeds, he adds, this is a life-saving strategy.
Never mind those fusty professors of philosophy in their ivory towers: if you want a practical answer, turn to the thinker on the Clapham trolley. We are sure readers can offer similarly simple solutions to other issues vexing top minds today.
Making sand dollars
MEETING in the middle: Richard VandeWetering spies a mysterious headline in Canada’s Globe and Mail: “U.S. labour market tightening; mid-Atlantic factory activity picks up”.
Feedback is reminded of the suggestion that trading nodes be built midway between major stock exchanges, such as London and New York, to minimise the time needed to issue orders. What sort of fees would stockbrokers based in Atlantis charge, asks Richard. Answer: we don’t know, but liquid assets are no doubt preferred.
An open and shut case
VISITING the outpatient department of Bassetlaw hospital in Worksop, UK, Richard Davis notes that the entrance is labelled “automatic door” and does indeed open when approached. But on egress, “the same doors are marked ‘Automatic door. Press button to open'”.
Richard says this probably stops the doors opening every time a patient is wheeled past, but how to parse the contradiction? Feedback’s instinct is to suppose the internal mechanism must be in some way buggy. Otherwise, why would it in be a hospital?
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