Seize the day
HEAPING scorn on the younger generation for their perceived fecklessness is a time-honoured tradition stretching back to the Ancient Greeks. Millennials, with their cereal cafes, selfie sticks and much diminished prospects, make no less an inviting target.
The Daily Mail : a lack of “hard work” means grip strength in today’s young adults is significantly less than it was a generation ago, according to a study in the Journal of hand therapy. It seems a lifetime spent lifting nothing heavier than a smartphone has left Millennials with handshakes like wilted lettuce leaves, which may be why they can’t get jobs.
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“In response to the question, “What is the term for having had that déjà vu feeling before?”, Julie Miles says surely one need look no further than Yogi Berra’s “déjà vu all over again”.“
Feedback can only urge young adults to start flexing their muscles, and if in doubt, ask their parents for advice. After all, they come from a generation which knows a thing or two about exerting a vice-like grip on homes and jobs.
Wrapped up
IT IS a universally acknowledged fact that people have skin, an issue that many companies have volunteered to take arms against, particularly those of us they declare to have skin of an inappropriate quality or quantity.
Monica Backes forwards the latest weapon in this war on encapsulation, Emana, a “polyamide yarn with bioactive minerals” which is said to “absorb the waves emitted by the human body and send them back in the shape of far infrared rays”. The result of this is, of course, “a unique formula which improves skin elasticity and reduces the appearance of cellulite, delivering “.
this for Feedback readers into something rather more experimentally verifiable. It goes: “This garment is made from a yarn containing pigments that absorb virtually all visible light reflected by skin and cellulite. This will virtually eradicate the appearance of cellulite whilst the garment is being worn.”
Until medicine allows us to dispense with skin once and for all, and carousel through life like flayed corpses in a Hieronymus Bosch landscape, Feedback hopes we learn to love our surface imperfections.
Moor prowler
THE Beast of Bodmin is a fabulous fabled big cat that stalks the UK’s West Country, slaying sheep and posing for blurry long-distance photographs. Now it may have a rival after a wild lynx escaped from Dartmoor Zoo. Not so much a big cat as a slightly larger than normal tabby, Flaviu is more like to be worrying shrews than sheep.
Following an intensive search involving expert trackers and thermal cameras mounted on drones, the Plymouth Herald reported – but unfortunately, it was only a can of Lynx deodorant glued by .
Free range
BREXIT fever continues apace, with UK citizens demanding that politicians “take Britain back”. Yet Welsh warbler Cerys Matthews perhaps didn’t realise just how far back we’d have to take Britain, and the universe, to see her arable dreams realised.
Paul Manson relates that when asked by The Guardian newspaper “If you could bring something extinct back to life, what would you choose?”, the musician and radio presenter proposed “chemical-free farming”.
Fulfilling this request would mean making our home at the dawn of the universe, amid an explosive soup of chaotic, highly charged matter. An environment that sounds to Feedback not unlike post-Brexit Britain.
A can of worms
ALSO pondering ways to rid one’s land of unwelcome visitors, the secularists penning The Guardian gardening column ignore one notable Creator to report that chemical giant BASF is “the only UK maker of nematodes”. If this is true, Feedback wonders where the rest of the nation’s nematodes come from? And more importantly, says Luke Caskell, “if BASF can create life, what else are they making?”
More, please
MAMA MIA! Italian scientists at the Neuromed Institute in Pozzilli report that, contrary to popular belief, pasta is not fattening. The patriotic scientists surveyed the eating habits of 23,000 people to that the presence of pasta in a person’s diet was associated with decreased body weight – although Feedback notes that the correlation does not take into account exactly how much pasta one must eat to achieve this slimming effect.
Bowled over
CLARE MUNKS writes that a quick glance round the kitchen has produced the ideal solution for deflecting mind-control waves. “It is lightweight, cheap and readily available from your nearest pet store: a stainless steel dog bowl!”
These have the advantage of coming in several sizes, enabling protection for all the family. “However,” says Clare, “I am unable to accept responsibility for any more down-to-earth attacks that may occur in the school playground as a result of any child being so equipped.”