HUMILITY. Empathy. Selflessness. These are qualities most of us associate with being a “nice person”. But being nice doesn’t often help you in the fierce competition to get that job, win a project or secure a promotion. No one likes an egocentric big-head but if, as they say, “you are your own brand”, perhaps in this modern world it pays to be a bit narcissistic.
The truth is that although narcissists may be deluded, they can benefit from their inflated self-image and desire for others to recognise their superiority. We think we dislike them, but research shows we actually tend to judge them as more confident, intelligent and attractive than other people. This means , more likely to become leaders, and preferred by the opposite sex. There’s even evidence that . So if you’re struggling with work or a relationship, perhaps you should become a bit more narcissistic.
That’s not as laughable as it sounds. A new understanding of narcissism suggests why, when and how it might be beneficial. It points to certain aspects of the trait that help people get on. It reveals that when it comes to success in life, there is a “right” and a “wrong” sort of narcissism. What’s more, we’re starting to understand how parents cultivate narcissism and self-esteem in their children. There are even hints about how adults lacking in self-love could learn to be a bit more narcissistic and promote “brand me” more successfully.
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Psychologists view narcissism as a personality trait, existing as a continuum on which all of us fall somewhere. Someone with an extreme form of the trait – narcissistic personality disorder – is not going to get ahead (unless becoming a dictator is a job option where they live). Between 1 and 2 per cent of people fall into this category. Move along the narcissism spectrum, though, and you get to the “everyday” variety that you might see in a friend or boss – particularly a male one, because research indicates that . This kind of person is “self-absorbed – and potentially obnoxious – but not necessarily dysfunctional or in need of therapy”, says Jens Lange at the University of Cologne, Germany. In terms of the big five personality traits, they tend to be extroverted, open and conscientious, not very neurotic and low on agreeableness.
How a particular everyday narcissist comes across, however, depends on what sort of narcissist he or she is. Psychologists distinguish between two forms: “vulnerable” and “grandiose”. Vulnerable narcissists believe they are special, and want to be seen that way – but are just not that competent, or attractive. As a result, their self-esteem fluctuates a lot. They tend to be self-conscious and passive, but also prone to outbursts of potentially violent aggression if their inflated self-image is threatened. Grandiose narcissists are more confident. Their belief that they are superior is unshakeable, even when it’s unwarranted. They can be pompous show-offs, but can also be charming. It is this type of narcissism that’s more commonly found and studied in the general population – and seems more likely to bring benefits.
Emily Grijalva at the University at Buffalo, part of the State University of New York, and has found hints that a bit of it might indeed be a good thing. Her team’s analysis of previous studies reveals no association between high or low levels of narcissism and success as a leader. But it does show that possessing a “moderate” level of grandiose narcissism is linked both to becoming a leader and to being an effective one.
“When it comes to success in life, there is a ‘right’ and a ‘wrong’ sort of narcissism“
When it comes to getting the job, Grijalva thinks these people do well “because they are perceived as attractive, charismatic, dominant and assertive”. Once hired, their success depends on the ability to keep less socially acceptable narcissistic tendencies in check while maintaining self-belief and a desire to lead. “To be an effective leader, you need to be self-confident enough that people will want to follow you, but not so confident that you come across as a self-absorbed jerk,” she says. Such confidence, together with the ability to convince others to follow your grand vision, motivates employees and encourages outside investors. On an individual level, grandiose narcissists also report feeling emotionally stable and having a strong sense of well-being, she adds.
There can, however, be downsides to moderate grandiose narcissism. Such people can be charming but can also be selfish, exploitative and entitled, says Grijalva. This might help explain why they are likely to make morally dubious decisions.
up to and including George W. Bush, Ashley Watts of Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia, and her colleagues found that those rated higher for grandiose narcissism were judged as being greater presidents: they did better on rankings of public persuasiveness, agenda-setting and the initiation of legislation, for example. However, they were also more likely to be seen as impulsive and bullying, and to face impeachment charges. The study suggests that the benefits of grandiose narcissism stem largely from its association with extroversion, whereas the downside is largely due to lack of agreeableness.
Not all grandiose narcissists seem able to cash in on the benefits of their personality trait, however. “Sometimes they can be disliked by others,” says Lange. To explore why this might be, he and Jan Crusius, a colleague at the University of Cologne, looked at research into possible . Some are characterised by “narcissistic admiration”, others by “narcissistic rivalry” – the former being driven by hope for success, the latter by fear of failure.
. Narcissism is strongly associated with envy, and many vulnerable narcissists, as well as some grandiose narcissists, show “malicious” envy. When a colleague wins a promotion, for example, they feel hostility towards that person. This, according to Crusius and Lange, is the root of narcissistic rivalry. Grandiose narcissists tend to have a more positive sort of envy. This “benign” envy motivates them to improve themselves rather than drag down the successful person. It’s what underpins narcissistic admiration, and makes such people more likeable. They are also less prone to low self-esteem and neuroticism than people with narcissistic rivalry, making them less susceptible to the anxiety and depression that can affect other narcissists.
So there seem to be certain narcissistic traits that might be beneficial to many of us, but assuming we wanted to adjust our level of narcissism, is it even possible to do that? There might be a clue in reports that reveal changing levels of narcissism.
– in Western countries at least, according to a meta-analysis published in 2008. One of the main reasons may be that Western culture has become increasingly focused on the self rather than on relationships, says Eddie Brummelman, a social and behavioural scientist at the University of Amsterdam in the Netherlands. But the picture isn’t that straightforward. found that entering adulthood during a time of recession – a reality for millions of people across the Western world – is linked to lower narcissism in later life, at least in men.
Nature and nurture
If nothing else, this suggests that our levels of narcissism are influenced by some surprising factors. “Narcissism is relatively stable over time, like all personality traits,” says Brummelman, “but it certainly can change.” In fact, little is known about its origins. It seems to emerge at around the age of 7, when children can evaluate themselves as people and compare themselves against others. Twin studies indicate there is a genetic component, although we don’t know how many or which genes are involved. Parenting style also seems to play an important role.
Last year, Brummelman and his colleagues, including Brad Bushman at Ohio State University in Columbus reported that who “overvalue” – those who believe their child is more special and more entitled than others. Bushman has developed a Parental Overvaluation Scale to explore the idea further. It asks parents of children aged 8 to 12 to rate their level of agreement with statements such as “I would not be surprised to learn that my child has extraordinary talents and abilities”, and “My child deserves something extra in life”. group can find out where they fall on the scale by taking the test online.
There is no blueprint for parents who would like to cultivate a moderate amount of grandiose narcissism in their children. In fact, Brummelman considers all narcissism to be socially undesirable. He thinks of it as “unhealthy feelings of superiority”. Instead, he believes parents should aim to cultivate self-esteem or “healthy feelings of worth”. When children are overvalued, he says, they may internalise the belief that they are superior to others – the core of narcissism. “But when they feel loved and cared for, they may internalise the belief that they are worthy as a person – the core of self-esteem.” The difference between narcissism and high self-esteem is not clear-cut though, and some psychologists argue that overinflated self-esteem is as much of a scourge as narcissism.
Others agree that narcissism is not a personality trait we should try to develop, even if it has advantages. David Kealy at the University of British Columbia in Canada accepts that grandiose narcissists benefit from “a robust sense of personal agency” – a feeling that one’s goals and strivings are worthwhile. Nevertheless, he advocates being true to oneself, having personal integrity and being kind to others. “Hopefully the intrinsic value and other social benefits associated with these features will win out in the long run,” he says.
In fact, psychologists have to date focused on trying to reduce narcissism rather than increase it. Although there’s no good evidence that narcissistic personality disorder is amenable to treatment, everyday narcissism may not be so intransigent. For example, narcissists who otherwise benefit from their self-belief are often handicapped by “interpersonal abrasiveness”. However, research suggests simply by thinking about the feelings of others.
But what if you’re so nice at work that people take advantage of you? “People who are constantly giving their time and energy to others may become burned out, or get exploited or overlooked,” says Grijalva. If this sounds like you, can you cultivate just some of the positive aspects of narcissism?
No studies have specifically looked at this, but the research teasing apart narcissism suggests you might consider acquiring some new habits of thought. You probably don’t want to become self-absorbed, bullying or immoral, because these things have obvious negative outcomes. But you might like the advantages that some narcissists get from their confidence and ability to use envy in a positive way.
Big yourself up
Erika Carlson at the University of Toronto in Canada and her colleagues have found that don’t think they’re as amazing as they do themselves. They may regard others as “too dim to recognise their brilliance”, and this allows them to dismiss negative feedback as stemming from jealousy. Taking a similar approach, if you undervalue yourself, you could try to dismiss criticism and focus on praise instead.
Then there’s envy, something that we all feel to some extent. You might want to control any malicious feelings of envy you have and cultivate benign envy, so that another person’s success motivates you to achieve more, rather than making you try to undermine them. However, Crusius points out that there are circumstances in which malicious envy can be beneficial. “In some organisations, hierarchies seem to work that way,” he says. “What is functional or dysfunctional may depend on what level of analysis you look at.”
For Grijalva, the solution is not so much to think like a narcissist, but to not be afraid to acknowledge your strengths (see “How to bring out your best to beat narcissistic jobseekers“). And she has some advice for anyone who wants to come across well at their next work meeting or shoot to the top of the promotion pile. “Stand up straight, make eye contact, dress well, share ideas in meetings, don’t be shy,” she says. “There are times when people have to be a little selfish and entitled – for example, if you believe you have the best idea of anyone in a group.”
