YOU can’t launch a red postal service in the UK or a purple-wrapped chocolate in New Zealand because the Post Office and Cadbury have trademarked these colours. You could, at the time of writing, make a motorbike that sounds like a Harley (Feedback, 10 December 2005). Now Edward Phillips alerts us to the subject of trademarked smells.
Applicants face a difficulty: they must attach a “graphic representation” of their smell to the 8 centimetre square box on the trademark application form. Eden, a French company in Paris, stuck a photo of a ripe strawberry to its application to trademark the use of that fruit’s smell on goods ranging from key holders to underpants. Could this scatter-gun approach be why the application is subject to appeal?
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Vennootschap onder Firma Senta Aromatic Marketing of Woerden in the Netherlands attached a picture of the words “the smell of fresh-cut grass” to its application. It is now the proud owner of the only European smellmark we have found. If you want to make tennis balls that smell like that, you’ll have to ask the company nicely.
The French Institute for the Protection of Fragrances tried the most sciency-looking pitch: a green square with coloured stripes on it that is supposed to represent “a lawn-green note, citrus (bergamot, lemon), pink floral (orange blossom, hyacinth), musky”. It was refused.
“The label on the box of Ken Hutton’s heparin injections stated, perhaps a tad superfluously: “Fragmin syringe 2500IU/0.2ML. Do not swallow””
You can track the fate of these applications by visiting and specifying the trademark type “olfactory”. Coming soon: Feedback’s registration of computer monitors that smell of dusty libraries. This only works when the user is inspecting trademark databases.
IS THERE something that NASA and some very influential Americans are keeping to themselves? Martin Ecott found this on the language teaching website : “Rosetta Stone is self-contained and intuitive to use. There are no complicated lists to memorise or handbooks to read. With Dynamic Immersion, you can start learning immediately. Join NASA, Fortune 500 executives, US diplomats and millions of learners worldwide in discovering the fastest way to learn Welsh.”
NASA? Top executives? US diplomats? Millions of learners worldwide? Welsh?
Ecott is confused, and so are we. But what’s this whisper we hear? It sounds like “Sylwith neb ar ein cynlluniau ar gyfer domiwnyddiaeth byd-eang” (“No one will spot our plan for world domination”) but we have almost certainly misheard.
Practising antisocial behaviour
Is the UK government promoting antisocial behaviour? Visit its website on the topic, , and you will have four options to enter the site. They are “I am a member of the public”, “Tackling alcoholic disorder”, “Taking a stand awards” and “I am an antisocial behaviour practitioner”.
Mere members of the public can join in the fun. Click on the relevant box and a link takes you to a page where you can use your postcode to identify your “local antisocial behaviour coordinator”.
Doug Russell, who noticed this and who is apparently a realist, supposes that what these people really are is anti-antisocial behaviour practitioners. This means, he observes, that civil libertarians opposed to the work they do are anti-anti-antisocial behaviour practitioners.
NEREUS is an acronym, of sorts, that “expands to a Naturally safe, Efficient nuclear Reactor, Easy to operate, Ultimately simple and Small,” it says at . But the name rang a bell for Keith Huggett. In Greek mythology Nereus was the “old man of the sea”, who although trustworthy, would not answer questions unless he could be caught, and to avoid that would change his shape. Not quite the image of openness and stability they were looking for, then.
A NOTICE seen by Angi Mauranen in a London hotel has that maddening quality normally found only in computer error messages. It says: “Complimentary tea and coffee is available in the dining room when the dining room is closed and overnight.”
“Perhaps,” Mauranen speculates, “the purpose of the notice is to remind the customers that they are nothing more than customers, whereas janitors, cleaners and other people possessing the dining room key are the masters of the house and therefore privileged in terms of beverages.”
FINALLY, it is good to see the London Metropolitan Police planning for the long term, Bill Lockhart says. He has found a press release on their website, in which the force “commends staff involved in responses to the tsunami and 7 July”. It is bulletin number 0000000356. This far-sighted numbering system will comfortably accommodate one bulletin a day for the next 28 million years. But will they have answered the phone by then?
