YET more from the wonderful world of sciency-sounding plugs for unusual products and services. The School of Awakening in Chulmleigh, Devon, UK, informs us promisingly on its website that: “In quantum physics, the energy that fills the cosmos is called zero-point energy.” It then launches into hitherto untrodden realms of knowledge with its description of the amazing properties of tachyons, subatomic particles that until now have been regarded as strictly hypothetical.
“Like zero-point energy, tachyon moves faster than the speed of light and is omnipresent…At the point of the speed of light, tachyon interacts with the subtle organizing energy fields (SOEFs). Becoming energized, the SOEFs convert tachyon energy into whatever frequencies are needed to bring balance to the being…SOEFs are the ‘cosmic glue’ that holds all forms together. They are the matrix upon which physical and subtle bodies are formed. Tachyon, pure life-force energy, is converted by the SOEFs into the exact frequencies needed to maintain and restore perfect balance to a life form.”
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As Bill Chadkirk, who spotted this, notes, “CERN and the Medical Research Council will want to attend this course rather than waste more time in the laboratory.” They might even want to join the tachyon-partners.com multilevel marketing scheme, to fund those few of their activities that are not made redundant by the School of Awakening’s breakthrough findings.
“In the window of a restaurant in Blackheath, south London, a poster tells customers that, “Prior notice is required for all reservations””
LAST week a colleague received an invitation from the UK Particle Physics and Astronomy Research Council to a live press conference, timed for the collision of a projectile from the spacecraft Deep Impact with its target comet. It promised, “On-the-Spot reactionary comment from UK astronomers and space scientists”.
Presumably this would be to the effect that we jolly well shouldn’t meddle with such matters, and there are some kinds of knowledge that were never meant to be revealed to the world, and Deep Impact should be sent back to the country it came from.
FORBES Magazine used to market itself as a “capitalist tool”. But is it still sharp? Bob Cockshott points us to an article stating that 1 in 8 pounds sterling spent in British shops goes to the supermarket chain Tesco. Then, presumably out of concern for readers not familiar with the value of the UK pound, it helpfully informs us that this is equivalent to 1.89 in every 15.15 US dollars or 1.43 in every 11.48 euros.
EARTH’S magnetic field helps create the great taste of fresh fruit, we are informed at . “During the long growing season, fruit is held in a relatively constant position in relation to the Earth’s magnetic field, aligning the liquid particles much like tiny compass needles. This natural balance gives fresh picked fruit its smooth, natural flavor.”
Now the bad news: “The delicate magnetic alignment of the liquid particles is destroyed during the crushing, straining, pasteurizing, fermenting, and distilling used to manufacture liquid beverages…” But there is a cure for this terrible destruction. For as little as $29.95 you can buy the Shooter Buddy Junior. This “quickly realigns the particles in your beverage by surrounding them with extremely powerful Neodymium (ne-o-dim-e-um) magnets…In as little as 10 seconds, Shooter Buddy restores the natural balance destroyed in the production process, recaptures the fresh taste of nature, and duplicates the smooth mellow flavor generated by years of traditional slow aging”. A bargain. Makes an excellent gift. Not recommended for physicists with high blood pressure.
THE job description for a synthetic chemist’s position that Ben Lindsey discovered on pointed out: “Part of the job may involve being required to provide technical support during evening or overnight. You will get time off in loo for this.”
We’ve heard of slackers who spend their time sitting in the toilets to avoid work, but find it hard to believe anyone would choose to do this to make up for their overtime.
Precise to millionths of a tick
VISITORS to will join Trevor Coe in appreciating the stunning technological achievement implied at the bottom of the page, which informed him that the page was “generated in 0.030807971954346 seconds”. That is precise to a few millionths of a “tick” of the clock that controls his computer. So how is it able to tell?
ONE of the cover stories in a recent issue of Graduate Contact, the magazine of the University of Queensland, Australia, is: “New $24 million home for sustainable mining.”
Sustainable mining? What does that mean, wonders Jerry Vancley. Could it be digging up minerals at a rate not exceeding the rate at which they are formed within the Earth?
FINALLY, from the department of no-brainers. Andi Hindle spotted this on a label on some Microsoft software packaging: “This label indicates that the package contains genuine Microsoft Product. If the label is missing…please e-mail Microsoft.”
