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It’s official: computers still cannot recognise speech properly, says Hewlett Packard. So it suggests that users learn a new language that computers can understand better. Called Computer Pidgin Language, HP’s new lingo is based on phonemes from English, Japanese and Esperanto that are more readily decipherable by computers. The phonemes are combined into vaguely familiar-sounding new words with alternating consonants and vowels. So in CPL, “printer” becomes “crinter”, while telephone becomes “teleter”. Highly recognisable utterances such as “balka”, “coupo”, “obobify” and “okilimox” can be assigned any meaning you want, says HP.